apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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