I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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