WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she looked like the before picture.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
