Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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