No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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