clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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