I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
