wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They took my balls.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
