Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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