I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
