Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
