In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
