i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
