Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
