she woke up with a sticky ear
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
