dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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