Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize