Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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