Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
