I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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