so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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