when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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