There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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