Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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