So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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