I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
