oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
