did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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