Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
