eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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