I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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