You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
