hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
