I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
