It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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