Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In other news, I just burned my penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
