If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
