If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
