my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
