I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
