No more Irish car bombs ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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