We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
