Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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