wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
