He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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