saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
