Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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