marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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