i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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