no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
