forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
