I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
