if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it's like iHOP with fire
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
