Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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