and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
