I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
