another moral hangover. fuck.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Who died my cat blue again?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize