It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You are a genius and a whore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize