Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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