apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
