is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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