her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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