eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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